The Issue: I have morals, ethics, and principles that help me dictate my life and course of action. There are certain things I just will not do.
The problem was not what I was doing, it was what I was accepting and being tolerant of.
There was nothing wrong with my morals; I ran my life and treated people the way I wanted to be treated. I was kind, sincere, treated people with love, care, respect, and support.
There was something wrong with my boundaries, well, because, frankly…I did not have any. I believed if I continued to be kind and supportive to people who did anything but, they would one day “get it.” They would get I was a understanding, loving, patient friend. They would see the light and treat me the way I was treating them.
But that really registered in their head as: Shes nice, I can do ABC, XYZ, take her ass around the world, leave her there, come back when I’m ready to, when I feel like it, when I need a ego boost, someone to listen, someone to give a shit about me, someone to call when I’m lonely…and she’ll be there.
If you let people think feeding you crumbs is enough, thats all they’ll ever give you. Meanwhile you’ll always be starving for what you really need.
What you inadvertently say is “hey look, im a nice understanding person, it doesnt matter if you disappear on me, disrespect and devalue me, Im always going to forgive you hoping that one day you get it.”
You can have all the morals and ethics you want, those dictate how you act what you put out into the world. Boundaries help figure out what you will accept, what filters need to be in place for things coming back in from the world.
You accept and settle for shit, thats what youll have; shit.
But if you have boundaries that say: “You will NOT do ABC, XYZ, to me… so you can take that shit down the street somewhere and don’t bother coming back with it” you show people that you take yourself and your well being seriously, and in turn so will they. (And if they don’t they are down the street somewhere as mentioned above ;)